We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
