Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My penis needs a shock collar
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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