I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
