A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
