On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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