Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
