He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
