hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
