Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
