I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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