We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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