3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
