I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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