Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
