you win again, gameday.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
