I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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