I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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