went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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