Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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