first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
