Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
