I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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