in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
