i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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