2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
