why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
