go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
