eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
