just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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