I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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