this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
