My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
