I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
