I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Rumble strips road head = magical
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need water and some morals
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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