i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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