So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
