I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
