I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
