Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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