it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
