My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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