I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
