Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
