I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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