And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
