It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
