I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
birth control should be required to get into college
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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