Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
