i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
