I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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