I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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