fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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