do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
