im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
