woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
