Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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