If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
