I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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