He is such a slut. More and more my type.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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