this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
